With tender tongue he moulded the words

Softly whistle up, up to the leaves

Moan from the small dodecahedron, deep down

Where chuckles and frowns frame the corner of his mouth.

Ho! Are his eyes flashing warnings?

Heed the man who sat his life in Gods palm

Reeling at the multitude of mothers,

With their hands around his neck

All their red nails

Form a rock in my gut

Skin to skin, shins akin, we walk.

Our souls watch from above

As dragons and griffins prowled around us

With the weather as it is, his cheek was twice as cold, as he watched the sea.

3 Responses to “Birds Eye View”

  1. 1 Rozzi July 29, 2008 at 1:55 am

    I like this one,

    Maybe tighten up the last line, we go from
    Intimacy to soul intimacy to a sort of weather report.

    Also did you want watch and prowl or watched and prowled?

  2. 2 gillian August 9, 2008 at 4:01 am

    I wonder about the title, because there already seems to be an established intimacy here – it also doesn’t seem to be about a meeting, but about some kind of enigma or mystery between the boy and the girl. I believe the first line could be broken down a little. Everything moves too quickly. There’s too much compression that doesn’t make sense sometimes – the deep down words and moans, that seem to come from the corners of his mouth. I love the whole mood and I love the surrealism, but when I look closely at the parts and get to the end of the poem, I wonder if this isn’t really a longer poem that is being compressed into something too short to carry the full intention of the poem. Of course poetry is compressed language, but I want to know about those hands around his neck.

  3. 3 Rozzi August 13, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    Really strongly suggesting you revisit the last line of this one

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